


Comforting Benefits

by SafetyPinnedSammy (ruthiestump)



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Survivor Guilt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-09
Updated: 2018-01-09
Packaged: 2019-03-02 16:38:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,267
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13322217
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ruthiestump/pseuds/SafetyPinnedSammy
Summary: After a stressful demon exorcism, Sam comforts you in your time of need.You just hope that you didn't cross the line.





	Comforting Benefits

Your jaw is clenched in anger as Dean drove to the bunker, pure rage pulsing through you. You sat in the back seat of the impala as the Winchesters occupied the front. The three of you had just finished a job in Lincoln, Nebraska, taking out one of Crowley’s informants. It was one of the first cases the boys had let you take the reins on and it was exciting. You had pinpointed the demon’s location, figured out how to get her alone and how to get her to talk. You had interrogated countless of demons before, had heard their snide remarks tossed your way, but this is the first time their words had gotten under your skin.

_“Little orphan (Y/N) paired up with the Winchesters? Nice of them to take on charity cases.”_

“(Y/N),” Sam called, disrupting your thoughts. “You know she only said those things to mess with your head, right?”

You nodded, making sure to meet Sam’s eyes. You were fully aware of why the demon said what she said, you were just livid that it worked.

“Yeah (Y/N),” Dean had piped up behind the steering wheel. “You can’t let that bitch get to you.”

You replied with a noncommittal grunt. You were way past the point of not letting it get to you. However, you unclench your jaw, rub at your bruised and bloodied knuckles, and let out deep breaths for the rest of the ride. It wasn’t long until Dean reached the bunker garage and you were rushing out of the backseat to hole up in your room.

_“I was there that night, you know.  It was so much fun. I can still hear her screams.”_

A few tears of frustration rolls down your cheeks as you enter your room. You kick the door shut behind you but turn around when you don’t hear the slam of the door closing. Sam Winchester stood in the doorway, a small frown on his lips. You sigh deeply, the exhale coming out ragged.

“I just need to be alone, Sam.” You say, not knowing how long you can hold back your stream of tears.

“(Y/N),” Sam calls but you already had your back to him. “You know you are important to us, right?” 

_“What are you, their secretary? Wait, let me guess, The Winchesters are into some kinky stuff, aren’t they?”_

“Yeah.” Your response is soft and weak. You clear your throat and repeat your answer, making sure your voice doesn’t quiver in your own ears. “Yes. I wouldn’t be here if I wasn’t important to the hunts.”

_“What would mommy and daddy think about you shacking up with Dumb and Dumbass?”_

There were another set of tears threatening to fall when you feel a pair of strong arms wrap around your waist. Sam’s firm chest covers your back, the male hunter hugging you tightly when a few more tears fall free. You chew on your bottom lip, his breath ghosting around your ear.

“You are not just important to the hunt, Y/N.” Sam told. He says it low enough to be a whisper but firm enough to make sure you heard. “You are important to the team, to Dean, to your parents,” Sam pauses, turning you around so that you face him. You can’t meet his eyes. It’s bad enough that Sam saw you lose your calm during the demon interrogation, you didn't want him to see you crying now.

Your reluctance doesn't deter Sam from trying to get your attention. He hooks his finger underneath your chin, slowly lifting your head up to meet your gaze. You follow his movements, too exhausted to try and stop him. His beautiful hazel eyes seem to pierce right through your soul, picking up every emotion you were trying to hide. His worrying frown is blurred due to your tears.

Sam lifts his hands to lightly rest them on your heated cheeks, his thumbs moving to wipe away the tears that are lingering on your bottom eyelashes. Your eyes flutter shut at the gentle touch, your body yearning for more. You lean into his loose hold as he places a soft kiss on your forehead.

"You're especially important to me." You open your eyes to gaze into Sam’s, searching for the sincerity he poured into his words.

You believe him, Sam being your closest friend in the bunker, but you selfishly hope he means more. You have very deep feelings for the sweet hunter standing in front of you ever since you started hunting alongside the Winchesters. Sam is handsome, thoughtful, and intelligent and it always seemed like there was something romantic brewing between the two of you. Sam's eyes are bright as they roamed over your face to gauge your reaction.

You don’t know what pushes you to do it, maybe it was the gingerly way he’s holding your face or maybe holding back such heavy emotions make you tired, but you stand on the balls of your feet, surging up the few inches to meet his lips. Sam’s lips are soft against yours, the taste of salt on the tip of your tongue when you apply more pressure to the kiss. You just need a little more of him.

Sam grunts underneath your mouth, his plush lips parting in surprise. His hands slide down from your cheeks, his palms grazing down the side of your throat, and settling on both your shoulders. You press in close to his body, seeking more warmth and comfort, when Sam pulls away. Your eyes open at the loss, chasing his lips as he pushes at your shoulders lightly.

“(Y/N), wait.” He says softly. There’s a frown on his kissed pink lips and you take a step back to distance yourself.

_“Of course you have the Winchesters helping you. A fuck up like you would only take this long to find me.”_

“I’m sorry.” You say, turning your back to Sam. You mentally kick yourself for that stupid decision you just made. Sam is your _friend_ and if you  mistook this situation as romantic then that is your problem, not Sam’s. “I shouldn’t have done that. Just give me an hour to find a motel and then I’ll be out of your hair.”

There are tears flooding your vision but you make it to your dresser easily, pulling out clothes you'll probably need. Sam calls your name but you ignore it in favor of digging your duffle bag out from your closet. You try to keep quiet as you move around, the sobs stuck in your throat escaping in soft huffs as you pack.  A large hand catches your right elbow and you stop your movements, turning your tear streaked face away from Sam.

“(Y/N), look at me please.”

“Sam, it's okay. You don't have to say anything.” Your voice is cracking as you speak, your emotions breaking down your words. You use your free arm to wipe at your wet cheeks. “I fucked up. Again.”

_“I hope you know that their blood tasted so sweet. You should be proud.”_

There was a tug at your elbow strong enough to make you turn. Although your body was turned towards your fellow hunter, you cover your face with your hands. Your inevitable breakdown was seconds away from happening and you don’t want to subject Sam to the full brunt of it. Once again you feel Sam wrap his arms around you and that’s when the dam broke.

You bury your face in his plaid shirt, your fists clutching at the soft fabric for support. Your sobs are muffled against Sam’s chest but Sam made no movement to shut you up. His hold around you gets tighter and you are grateful that he was there to hold you up. His left hand starts rubbing your back softly and you concentrate on the soothing rhythm as you continue to cry.

“Let it out, (Y/N).” He whispers, his chin resting on the top of your head.

“I am so sorry.” You say through whimpers and tears. You wonder if Sam could hear your mumbled words.

“You don’t have anything to be sorry about (Y/N).” Sam says a few seconds later.

_“They were counting on you to save them but you didn't come home.”_

“They died because of me.” You never had the guts to say it aloud but once the words are now out in the open, or rather smothered against Sam’s chest, it hit hard.

The safe solid form of Sam's chest is taken away suddenly, leaving you stumbling forward a step. Sam's hands were off of your waist and on your face once again, causing you to remember the embarrassing kiss that happened moments earlier. Before you can hide your blushing face, Sam speaks causing your eyes to search for his.

“No,” He says simply. His hazel eyes are hard and focused on your own. “That demon only wanted to get you to break. It was spreading lies to mess with your head.”

“But I should have been there that night!” You plead, grabbing at Sam’s wrists and holding on. “I stayed out past my curfew. I wasn’t home. I could have stopped them somehow. I could have scared them off when I put the key in the lock or something. I could’ve seen that they were in trouble. I’ve could’ve helped. I should have been there with them.”

You run out of air by the time you finish your list of “what if’s”. You spent the past fourteen years adding on to this list ever since you found your parents butchered in your living room. Your rambling had left you lightheaded and breathless; your hold on Sam’s wrists growing tight as you struggle to find air.

You feel yourself being moved, your legs following the steps Sam took towards your bed. He sits you down on the mattress before he takes a seat right next to you. There are black dots surfacing around the edge of your vision and you can hear Sam faintly as he repeats a word over and over again.

“Breathe. Just Breathe, (Y/N).”

Once the word penetrated through your panic fog, you follow the rhythmic pattern of his voice. A deep inhale and exhale with every one of Sam’s words. You get a steady intake of oxygen after a few minutes of deep breathing, your vision returning to normal. You feel Sam’s large hands surrounding your right one in a tender hold.

“It wasn’t your fault.” Sam says firmly. You open your mouth to disagree, to make him understand that you could have saved them from such a cruel fate, before he shushes you quietly. “The demons planned this out. You couldn’t have known. If you were there that night you would have been killed alongside them.”

You listen to Sam quietly as more tears run down your heated face. “Don’t let that Demon scum get to you. There was no way to stop them and she knew it. She said that to drive you insane.”

“ _They were just calling your name. Crying and begging for you to save them and you weren’t there.”_

There was a brief moment of silence after Sam finished speaking. You miss your parents terribly. They taught you so much when they were alive and the fact that a pair of bloodthirsty demons were the reason they were taken from you boiled your blood.

Sam removes one of his massive hands off of yours and wraps his free arm around your shoulders in one fluid movement. He tugs you towards him softly leading you so that your head can rest on his empty shoulder. You follow through with his silent suggestion, your head pillowed on his surprisingly soft canvas jacket. You continue to focus on your breathing as the silence stretches on, Sam’s scent filling up your lungs and taking permanent residence with each inhale.

“They would be so proud of you. They are so proud of you.”

You look up at Sam, surprised at his sudden statement after a few minutes of silence. There is a small smile on his lips as he glances down at you. He rubs at the arm that wasn’t trapped between your bodies before he speaks again.

“You save people, (Y/N).” There is a soft tone in Sam’s voice as he continues. Something that reminds you of the way you feel about him. It sounded like admiration danced around his words and you have to stop yourself from producing another round of tears. “It’s awful that they were ripped away from you but it isn’t your fault. That’s what I need you to know, (Y/N). It wasn’t your fault.”

You let out a huge breath once Sam is done speaking. His hand is still rubbing soothing patterns onto your arm as you stare at a blank patch on your wall. Your skin feels hot and your eyelids seem to be getting heavier with each passing second. You have an urge to fill the silence but you don’t know what to say.

 _“It wasn’t your fault.”_ Sam’s words replay in your head as you guys sit there. You know that Sam’s right but you spent so much of your adult life convincing yourself that you could have done better, that you could have stopped them even if you didn’t know demons existed back then. Your eyes move their focus from the wall to your fingers that are restless on your lap. They twitch against your thighs as if they were looking for something to do or to hold. You run your hands over the rough denim of your jeans to release some of the nervous energy and utter the first thing that passes through mind.

“I feel like I could’ve done better, y’know?”

You hear and feel Sam’s huff against your hair, his free hand reaching over to stop your roaming movements. He starts to move his head, his face turning to meet the top of your crown. He places a small kiss to the top of your head, leaving his chin to rest there once he’s done. “You did the best that you could." 

The hand that strokes your arm made its way to your hair when Sam first moved his head. It strokes your hair in a way that brings comfort and warmth. It calms you more than you thought it would, giving you a nice rhythm that made you feel safe. The deep breathing and Sam’s presence seems to help you regain some control of your tears and emotions, a sense of exhaustion creeping into your bones.

“I really thought ganking the bitch was supposed to make me feel better.” You spill, not really focusing on keeping your thoughts to yourself. 

“It didn’t?” Sam replies, his words vibrating against your skull. 

You take a second to think, a small laugh escaping when you come to your conclusion. “A little. She had it coming.”

Sam laughs a little with you, the sound rumbling through your body where he was pressed against you. “Revenge isn’t as fulfilling,” He says, his large hand continuing to stroke at your hair.  He sounds as tired as you feel. “Once you kill the thing you dedicate your life to, you don’t feel as complete as you think you would.”

You find yourself nodding to Sam’s statement, agreeing with him now that your anger and guilt faded and are left with the same emptiness you felt when you thought of your parents. You mull over his words for a bit appreciating Sam being there for you. He seems to understand what you’re feeling right now and from what you know about his past, you know that you aren’t alone in this.

“It’s just..” You let out a deep sigh before you continue. “What do I do now? I killed the thing that killed my parents. Now what?”

You feel Sam stop his stroking, his large hand resting against your hair. “That’s up to you, (Y/N). You’re an amazing hunter. You have saved so many people. Dean and I love hunting with you but if you want to try out a normal life, one where you don’t spend weeks looking for monsters or worrying if each hunt is going to be your last then we’ll support you. But you don’t have to decide that now obviously.”

Sam’s suggestions would have gotten your mind reeling with thoughts of the picket white fence and 2.3 kids you always hoped for before your parent’s death any other day. Right now though, you’re tired from the rapid change of emotions you were going through. Sam feels warm against your side and the heat from his body seems to be lulling you to sleep. Your eyelids drifted closed for what feels like a few seconds when you feel Sam’s body pull away from you.

You wake suddenly, embarrassed that you fell asleep on top of your friend, and are surprised to see that Sam is no longer sitting next to you. He’s off the bed, standing in front of you, his hands softly guiding you to lie back across your mattress.

You take hold of one of his wrists to stop him, not wanting him to feel obligated to do more than he already has. You open your mouth to thank Sam for his company tonight but a yawn tumbled out in its place. Sam smiles, his dimples making an appearance.   

“I think it’s time for you to rest.” Sam says, moving to get you comfortable on bed.

“Hey,” You say softly, making sure that Sam looks you in the eye before you continue. “Can you stay?”

Sam’s smile falters as your request hangs in the air. “Are you sure (Y/N)?" 

You nod, gently removing Sam’s hands from your arms. You move your grip from his wrists to take a hold of his hands instead. “I’m not sure if I can handle being alone tonight.” You confess. You can practically hear Sam thinking before he nods.

“Yeah,” He gives a quick squeeze to your hands before he looks around the room. “I’ll just camp out in a corner.” 

“Sam no.” You tug on his hands. You let go of them before you scoot up your mattress, your back hitting the wooden headboard at the top of your bed. You tap the space next to you once you get comfortable leaning against the wood. “You can sit right here with me. We can keep talking if you don’t mind.”

Sam walks around to the other side of the bed and sits on top of the covers once he gets to it. His lips seem to be stuck in a small frown and you can’t help but to mimic it.

“Sam, do you want to be here?” You ask as Sam seems to survey you.

“I just think you should have your rest and my being here might mess that up.”

You let out a small laugh relieved that Sam wasn’t uncomfortable around you but just worried about your well being. “Having you here will put me at ease.”

Sam mulls your comment over and after a minute, Sam gives you another nod. There’s a tightness to the straight line of his lips that tells you he isn’t a hundred percent certain with staying but he settles against the headboard anyway.

Tentatively you lay your head on Sam’s shoulder getting used to being this close to your friend. You’re both sitting in silence when you decide to speak again.

“I’m sorry. “ You apologize not bothering to open your eyes now that they’ve fallen shut.

Sam’s head moves probably to catch a glimpse of your expression before speaking.

“Sorry for what, Y/N?” His voice is quiet this time around and you belatedly wonder if he was tired.

“For kissing you. I shouldn’t have done that and I hope I didn’t make things weird between us.”

Having this conversation when you’re half asleep actually makes this easier for you. You were too tired to stop the words from coming out. There was a beat of before Sam replies.

“No worries,” Calloused fingers find yours and you can’t help but to curl yours around them. Sam doesn’t shake your hand away as you thought he would but maneuvers it so that your fingers are now intertwined. “It didn’t make anything weird between us.”

You hum your relief seconds away from truly falling asleep. The rumble from Sam’s words felt nice against the top of your head, the movement acting like a lullabye. You barely catch his next statement before you fell asleep. “I just wish it was under better circumstances.”

***********

You blink yourself awake, groaning at the dull pain throbbing at the side of your neck. You rub at the sore spot as you yawn. You start to raise both hands to wipe the sleep from your eyes but stop short when you notice that one of them is occupied. Sam is still sitting beside you, his head resting against the headboard while he sleeps. Both of you haven’t seemed to move an inch from the night before. Sam’s grip around your hand is loose but you don’t slip out of his hold just yet. You take note of Sam’s soft breathing as you shift around, noticing that his pink eyelids fluttered as he dreamed.

It’s rare to see Sam so relaxed so you take a minute to drink in the sight. Looking at the younger Winchester brought a wave of appreciation that flowed through you. Sam helped you through one of your most difficult nights and you can’t express how grateful you are to have him. You’re in your thoughts when you feel Sam stir awake. He grunts a little before he opens his eyes, his fingers tightening around your digits giving it a little squeeze.

Sam’s yawning as he maneuvers against the headboard. You watch him as he gets himself comfortable. He coughs before his voice fills the silence. “Good morning, (Y/N).”   

“Morning.” You smile. You glance down at your intertwined fingers and instantly thought of the kiss that happened between you last night.

“Sleep well?” Sam’s question caught your attention again, drawing your eyesight away from your clasped hands to his golden eyes. There was a smile on Sam’s lips waiting for you when you look up at him. He’s wearing a soft expression on his face, his smile genuine as he waits for your answer. He’s relaxed against the wood, his hand still and warm within yours.  

_“Call it quits, sweetheart. No one is ever going to tolerate you.”_

“I might have a crick in my neck,” You say twisting your neck a little as if to show Sam some proof. “But I think I’ve slept better than I would have alone. Thank you.”

Sam nods quietly accepting your thanks in silence. You’re not sure what to say so you nibble at your bottom lip as you think of a topic to mention. There’s a short moment before you think of something and start to speak. You move your head to face Sam again, stifling a surprised squeal when Sam moves into your space to kiss you. 

You briefly wonder if Sam felt this surprised when you first kissed him just a few hours ago but the thought soon slipped out of your mind. You melted into the softness of Sam’s lips. You cup his cheek with your free hand as the kiss suddenly deepens. Sam’s large hand finds your waist and pulls you closer to his hard chest. Your heart flutters at the hardness of his body and the press against it felt natural.

Your hands are still intertwined, caught between the small space between the mattress and your sides. The hand on Sam’s cheek migrates to tug at his hair before you pull yourself away a couple of inches. You look into Sam’s eyes as you rest your forehead against his.

“What was that for?” You chuckle, a little breathless after that spontaneous kiss. Your run your fingers through his brown mane as you wait for your answer. 

“Just letting you know that the kiss was something I wanted to continue.” Sam dips his head enough to plant another kiss on your lips before he continues. “And that I really like kissing you.” There’s a smile on his pink lips before he kisses you again.

“Thank you.” You say before quick and tender pecks. “Thank you for being with me yesterday.”

Sam lets your clasped hands go, and for a slight second you mourn the loss of contact, to let his newly freed hand caress your back. “I’m always here for you, Y/N.” He shifts so that he’s now lying down on his back. Sam uses a bit of pressure to guide you onto him, sliding onto his front.

You go easily, thinking about how right this feels. You meet his eyes and melt against him knowing that he meant his words. Sam eases the hurt you felt about your parents, soothes the frustration from that bitchy demon and always made you feel better from the time you’ve known him.

You kiss him deeply, the urge too great to ignore. You let the kiss be your reply, trusting that he got the _“I know you are”_ through it. The squeeze on your hips lets you know that he did. After that tiring demon exorcism being with Sam made you feel at home. Being here in bed with your best friend you felt like you can get through it.  

 


End file.
